Back to the Underworld

Uh-oh! I know that the back-to-school sales and stuff begin WAY too early-early enough to pretty much ruin the summer! But, if you are reading this, you aren't just another kid in the crowd dreading school. You are clever, crafty, and SMART. You know the American Girl book? Smart Girl's Guide to Middle School? Pshaw. That is for those who aren't smart enough to use common sense instead of spending $12.99 on a loada crap.

Scenario #1: THE ZIT
So, according to the usual sources, the best way to deal with a zit is to a) not touch it under ANY circumstances, and b) put a band-aid over it. Yeah, that's so inconspicuous. No one will ever guess what's under that bandage. x( NO NO NO. The best way to make your face look normal without poppage is this. Pull out a brightly colored and patterned shirt, (it doesn't have to be hideous, crazy patterns are in "style" right now, go pick one up that looks mildly okay.) If the blemish is really red, put a bit of concealer on it. Then most of the people's attention will be on the shirt--not your face.

Scenario #2: THE BULLY
So someone is idiotic enough to pick on you. (Is there anything dumber you could do?) When punching them out is obvi out of the question, you being at school and all, what can you do? One word, my friends, revenge. Oh, yes. Trust me, it feels so good. There are many methods of revenge, such as gum-in-the-gym-shoes, a slice of nearly-rotten bologna slipped into the air holes of a locker, or maybe something more original and of your own thinking. ;) Give it to them HARD.

Scenario #3: DETENTION
Great. You got caught just as you were picking your friend's combo lock to get out the book she "forgot" to return to you. (Tsk, tsk...you should have been more careful!) Well, I am not gonna tell you how to spend the boring hours of detention-that's up to you and/or your school. (Don't try to skip or anything stupid like that-it's just not worth it!) But maybe your parentals don't have to know the whole story. You're at your brand-new friend/transfer student from Israel (Who won't be in America or accessable after that day) helping him with his English. And no one suspects a thing....maybe. ;)

Scenario #4: GETTING OUT OF GYM
So, you don't wanna do gym today (for personal reasons--or not so personal reasons...) But the thing is, the only thing you need to pass this class is to show up. Well, don't just skip. Not cool. Instead come into the class ready, gym-clothed, and hyped up. Start to partake in the activity, until somehow you hit your head so hard that it hurts and you're dizzy and need ice. Don't forget the dizzy part, that's the key for getting the nurse to let you lie down in the office until the period is over. ;)

Well, I hope that has satisfied your craving for Secret-Postedness. And I hope your school year will go ultra fabulously!